Im taking clean, non-humorous topics, going to wikipedia, and writing as many jokes as possible. The first is carrots. Some of these jokes arent that great, but im not censoring too much. I may just post the next topic as a response to this post.
1) Carrots contain vitamin D, which helps prevent depression. Thats why bugs bunny is always so fucking chipper, even though elmer fudd is trying to kill him [ok, looks like i made the first part up]
2) Do you think that carrots are mad at oranges for getting to be the color? Why arent oranges carrot?
3) There are purple, yellow, white and even red carrots, but you never see or hear about them due to the inherent racism in the system.
4) The domestic carrot has been selectively bred for its greatly enlarged and more palatable, less woody-textured edible taproot. How come its ok to breed carrots to be delicious, but when I try to do it with people...
5) If you eat too many carrots, your skin will turn orange. This is how they made oompaloompas before spray tan was invented
6) Some ancient peoples used to refer to carrots as "devils-plague". None of these people were good christians. Its hard to be frightened of hell when you think theyre going to torture you with carrots for eternity
7) The city of Holtville, California, promotes itself as "Carrot Capital of the World". The title is almost entirely ceremonial. There is no real carrot-power in holtville.
8) Carrots can be stored for several months in the refrigerator or over winter in moist sand in a cool place. If its easier for you to get moist sand in a cool place than a refrigerator, then just go ahead and eat the carrot.
9) Almost half of the worlds carrots are produced by the chinese, which isnt surprising, because they are assholes.
I think #s 4, 5 and 7 are the best, but none is particularly hilarious. Its fun to just write though. On a total side note: I want to work on incorporating a hilarious segue or topic change into a set.
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