Ego

Its hard to let go of the ego, because thats why i do most of what i do. I do comedy for the rush of making people laugh, and the pure ego-stroking joy of hearing people tell me im funny, or that i had a good set. In this sense i am like every other comedian out there. So its hard to let go of the ego when I cant get booked, or get the recognition I feel that i "deserve". This spills over into poker as well. Im supposed to be playing poker to make money. Actually, money is probably the third or fourth reason that i play poker. For the most part, i play poker to impress people. Its alright (to some extent) that my reasoning for poker is fucked up, because impressing people and maximizing profits tend to dovetail a bit, and many of my opponents are playing for even worse reasons (they want to gamble). New topic: Did a showcase to get into the SICC a couple days ago, I think that it went really well. It was probably the best set that ive ever done. I made a real effort to connect my jokes and segue between them. It felt polished. I got good laughs throughout. I experimented a bit with just pausing after some of the sillier punchlines and flashing a big, cheesy, kind of rueful smile at the audience and they seemed to love it. I went up the next day (yesterday) for what was basically a crappy audience and still managed to do well. New topic: I find myself with a bit of a dilemma. I have all of this free time, but everything that i want to do happens during the evening. The evening is when the comedy shows are. Its also when the poker games get good. Its also when people want to go rock climbing. Its also when people want to hang out and do other stuff. So I have these free afternoons, when I just fuck around and do nothing, and then three things to do at once every evening. I should be climbing in the afternoons, but its harder for me to climb by myself, because (see above) a lot of the joy i get out of climbing is impressing the people im climbing with. That probably sounds pathetic, but I think that a lot of our true motivations are. Im OK with the fact that im a social animal, and that there are hierarchies in each environment i find myself in. New topic: Ive been intensely annoyed that people have been flaking on me for various plans recently. There are various levels of this. From the least annoying: canceling with plenty of warning and a good excuse; to showing up very late; to canceling at the last minute; to not showing up or saying anything at all, which is usually enough to make me want to kill you. It seems inconsiderate, and disrespectful. I try not to take it personally, because I understand that thats how that person is; not just to me but to everyone. That thought doesnt help that much. It makes me less interested in making plans with them. The problem is that the types of people who are weird and interesting and capable of surprising me tend to be the same type of people who suck at getting to places theyre supposed to be, and are too wrapped up in themselves to fix it. God knows ive been guilty of this before. Last topic: Speaking of ego: there was some out of town comic at the open mic last night. He came on and talked about how he had writing credits (I looked it up, 4 episodes of MAD TV) that they hadnt mentioned, and that hed been in movies. He did a pretty good/funny Cosby impression (he was an older black guy) which is kind of hack, but was well executed. Then he rambled, got the light, SAID "oh shit, ive only got a minute", then launched into a long story that could have never concluded in a minute. Somewhere around 30 seconds over time, the host turned on the music and played him off. I heard him upstairs afterward complaining about how you should never play off a big timer like him. Fuck you dude. Thank you for being there as a reminder to keep my ego in check. This isnt your city, nobody knows who you are, and you arent that funny. You want special treatment, you need to at least talk to somebody about it first. Welcome to seattle.